Saying You're OK Doesn't Help Anybody Really Understand You

What is your default response when you’re asked how your day is going?

When I first emigrated from Scotland, I wrote home about how people would ask how my day was… I found it to be so novel and personal.

Fast forward 18 years and I feel the opposite, I notice how the response is barely considered. An automatic “I’m fine thanks” seems to be the norm. And equally the receiver’s default is “that’s good”. This is a calamity!

Good = having the required qualities

Fine = good; satisfactory

I don’t know about you but required satisfaction just doesn’t cut it for this gal and shouldn’t for you either!

LET'S MODERATE THE MEDIOCRITY

Let me explain, consider a month of ‘OK’s’, ‘fines’ or ‘goods’.

It would be a pretty darn ordinary month. If instead, occasionally you throw in a genuinely brilliant, interesting, crappy, or downright terrible, then you are truly living and experiencing life!

I’d like you to consider your auto-responses and try saying how you truly feel next time.

Here’s why: 

It makes your life interesting. Mediocrity is not good enough! Being averagely OK shouldn’t be satisfying.

Sure some days can have a balance between great and awful, I get, that every day isn’t going to be fabulous, but equally, not every day, is going to be ordinary either.

Don’t be mediocre like 70% of the population! Get below the bell-curve!

IT CAN’T ALL BE RAINBOW FARTING UNICORNS

I understand for some, extraordinary, can seem scary.

There are many amongst us that haven’t experienced something wonderful or exceptional beyond the count of one hand. It’s a concept reserved for others.  

“Rich people seem to have it,

skinny folks always appear to have it,

but consistent exceptionalism,

is not in my realm of possibility.”

Let me tell you something about Jo (said in the Latin accent of RamÓn the penguin from Happy Feet).

We are ALL capable of complete fulfillment, contentment, and a wonderful life if we work on the perception of what it looks like for us.

The problem most of us have in the developed countries… is… comparison-itis.

We are so busy looking outside of ourselves, that we don’t pause to think ‘what makes my life amazing?'

The crazy thing I’ve discovered since becoming a professional coach is how much EVERY body evaluates their life by that of another.

Don’t get me wrong I’m all for aiming higher and reaching for amazing goals, but they have to be based on my personal levels of satisfaction, not how I perceive another’s a version of life to be better than mine.

If I’m feeling that somebody else is ‘better’ than me, I’ve already lost and reduced my day to an average. I don’t want to live by my friend's standards, I choose to explore, fail, extend and achieve my own wonderments and achievements.

I don’t want extra-ordinary (which is a little extra above ordinary), I want to live a remarkable life and leave an outstanding impression on people.   

I seek ONLY to achieve transformation in my clients' lives. Anything less is the same as other professionals, which is nowhere close to GOOD enough for me! Instead, I seek Brilliance.

The first improvement level has to start with you. You have to set your own rules and standards of measurement and scale.

You’re not living your friends' existence, so how they are ‘doing’ is irrelevant to how your live yours.

If you’re somebody struggling with this modern world of upsizing and fake happiness on social media, I suggest you aim first, for great days. Then progress onto awesome and when that becomes mediocre, move up to fantastic or brilliant.

I know you can do it, because I did it, and you don’t want to know where I started.

THE DOWNSIDE

In our digital age of connection, we are so plugged in, that we have unplugged from ourselves. Regan and I frequently despair at the dining room table conversations when we go out. 

It’s shocking to see conversations reduced to text messages to pass the salt (true story).

The problem is, when you feel your life isn’t as wonderful as somebody else’s, you fear being judged.

That fear stops you from being authentic and vulnerable.

Lack of vulnerability can strongly impact your ability to ask for help when you need it.

I directly link this to the age of digital connection, where instant gratification from society is our benchmark of happiness. Where truth isn’t shared, only the pretty pictures of perfection.

Mediocre living impacts relationships and that’s not acceptable. 

It’s time to redefine your happiness and live with absolute fantasticness.