How Can We Give Without Being Used?

Mar 23, 2022
“You really must give, in order to receive”.
“You need to pay it forward”

Statements like these are constantly bandied around, but how do you give, without undervaluing your self-worth or giving too much of yourself away?

Here I provide some insights into how you can reignite harmony and positive flow into your relationships and business.

Are you constantly being asked for free services or ‘mates’ rates? Perhaps your relationship is a lop-sided one of constant giving?

There are up to eleven natural laws depending on which school of thought you refer to, that explain the phenomena of how the universe operates – whether you believe in them or not.

You can (perhaps unbelievably) combine several of these, into your next act of kindness.


   •   Cause and Effect– every action has an impact

   •   Gestation– what is sown, will grow

   •   Rhythm– life ebbs and flows, flexibility is required

   •   Polarity– the balance of opposites

   •   Attraction (or vibration)– energy attracts similar energy

First up, you need to understand the difference between doing and giving.


The act of doing anything is with a purpose of achievement. Giving on the other hand is a free gesture; a voluntary action, with no need for any outcome. If you are a constant doer or your ‘giving’ is draining you, you could have a subtle subconscious resistance within you. An inward hope that you will receive something in return.

Rather than trusting in the three universal laws of rhythm, cause and effect, and attraction, you may be chasing a sense of accomplishment or in the hope of being appreciated for your act.

Furthermore, you can’t give what you don’t have. If you want to give your time or anything physical, you must believe that there is enough left behind, or that it can be replaced in a harmonious fashion. 

If you aren’t aware of your unintentional drivers, that ‘thing’, you gave away, will be tied to you energetically and distract or hold you back until it has been replenished to a manner that you feel comfortable with

You should note that the act of giving cannot be complete without the opposite energy of receiving.


Taking is generally ‘to receive’ or ‘have possession of’. We oftentimes have an attachment to a specific outcome, AKA having an agenda. On the opposite of the spectrum 'receiving' is to be presented with or ‘be given something’. It requires you to open up to trust the givers' intentions and believe you are worthy of its gifting to you. Be warned, those who consistently ‘take’ without genuine gratitude will find the flow of abundance harder to grasp.

“To really understand giving you must also learn the art of receiving.”


Many cannot respond to receiving something, with simple pure joy or thankfulness.


   •   can feel guilty and/or inadequate

   •   can have a sense of debt



   •   can feel disappointed or ‘out of energetic exchange’

   •   true intentions can be misunderstood and future kindness can be shut down

   •   feel the need for more frequent, grander gestures


The result of an incomplete give/ receive exchange? Giving or receiving on its own will eventually erode your self-esteem.


As Buddha quotes:
before giving, the mind of the giver is happy;
while giving, the mind of the giver is made peaceful;
and having given, the mind of the giver is uplifted.

Karma can’t be tricked.

Please be aware that if your intention of giving, is purely to get ahead or to gain some advantage, the intention you are setting, is going to trigger the law of attraction… in the wrong direction. 

Equally, if you give, purely for the joy of seeing another benefit from your action, the laws of Gestation and Attraction will kick in, growing that energy of kindness and attracting back towards you.


Both sides benefit tremendously when you give with authentic, congruent intention or receive with grace.

 You can feel a deeper sense of connection to

   •   the other party

   •   society

   •   the associated cause

   •   how the laws are working for you.

The more consciously aware you are of the natural laws, the easier and quicker they start to vibrate in your favour.

A great relationship has equal giving and receiving from both sides of the partnership.

As a giver, you will feel understood and fulfilled - as a receiver you will feel balanced and valued.